|
Treatise on Crossword Puzzles Crossword puzzles can be an enlightening tool for the participant, slyly informative and always entertaining. They can test and expand one's knowledge of current & past events and celebrities, general history, languages (most notably English, Spanish, Latin, Italian, French and German), English vocabulary and syntax, current & past literature and authors, current & past music, composers, musicians and musical concepts, science, politics, and anything else in the known universe. Over time, these puzzles also teach the participant how to play the game, as there are strategies that can yield solutions despite a lack of knowledge of the aforementioned topics. As stated, there are two key elements in solving crossword puzzles: knowledge and strategy. Knowledge stems from being current on recent events and people and, to a certain degree, the extent of one's formal and informal education in regard to historical and rudimentary knowledge answers. Crossword puzzle strategy depends mainly on one's knowledge of the English language, but also on the amount of puzzles one has attempted to solve, as there are a slew of stock answers that are virtually ubiquitous from puzzle to puzzle, favored for their unique and often peculiar combination of vowels and consonants. If one pays attention to the syntax of the clue, one can usually derive part of the answer. This can apply to clues that indicate plurality, a past or present action, any degree of a superlative, etc. Example 1: the clue is "Priests," indicating a plurality. The obvious answer would be "monks," but if the clue were more enigmatic one could at least deduce that the answer is plural, and thus one could speculatively put an "s" in the last answer block. Example 2: the clue is "Ran away from." If we weren't able to guess "evaded," we could at least divine from the clue that this is a past action and fill in "ed" for the last two answer blocks. Example 3: the clue is "Most bohemian." If we were unable to answer "artiest," we could at least deduce that this is referring to a superlative, degree-type of adjective, and fill in "est" (if not "iest") in the last three answer blocks. This grammatical estimation tactic may have the added bonus of triggering an answer epiphany in the opposite axis, but should be used with caution as there are always exceptions to the rule. An example of a possible exception is "Most powerful," which could be answered by either "strongest" or "omnipotent," although the number of blocks provided can be used to weed out the wrong option. One must beware of the inventive deviousness of crossword authors, who tend to stretch grammatical limits and implication, and are always on the lookout for clues that have multiple interpretations to throw off even the most experienced crossword connoiseurs. A good example of this are solutions to clues that involve the actual spelling out of single letters, such as "The beginning of Spring and Summer," which would be answered by "esses." Ubiquitous stock answers span a variety of topics and are sometimes abbreviated. For example, "alar" is a common answer (this is a controversial spray used in apple orchards to ward off various pestilences), as are "Elal," the Israeli airline, "ddt", the banned water-poisoning pesticide, "tnt," dynamite, and "sst," the generic name for a "supersonic transport." One will notice that most crossword puzzle answers are short (three letters being the shortest), and that these particular answers are usually vowel or consonant-heavy to facilitate overlapping answers. Stock answers can also involve a specific type of clue: the fill-in-the-blank clue. These can often be as simple as remembering a cliche or catchphrase that is part of the common vernacular, but some can also be more knowledge or event-specific and ergo must be memorized. An example of the former is "On the _____ one's seat" (where the answer would be "edgeof"), and an example of the latter would be "Ere I saw ____" (which would be "Elba", the island off the Italian coast). One should always keep in mind that, in light of the first example, solutions can be more than one word, and often are. Abbreviations can be some of the most difficult answers to derive, because not only does one have to come up with the correct solution, usually based on an abbreviated clue as well (sometimes there is no indication of an abbreviation!), one also has to come up with the appropriate abbreviation for the final answer. The best tactic for these, if one is stumped, is to fill in the squares by answering as many of the overlaping clues as possible. One must also be prepared to solve clues that involve roman numerals. These types of answers test not only the solver's knowledge of date history but also their familiarity with the roman numeral system. This can sometimes be confusing, due to the fact that the letters will have a different connotation in the overlapping answers. Still, even without a basic knowledge of the roman numeral system one can solve these clues, even if only by answering the ones that overlap. Virtually all crossword puzzles have a central, unifying theme that involves anywhere from three to five extended answers. These usually span the entire width--and sometimes the height, although this is rare--of the puzzle area. The theme's topic is sometimes contained within the clues themselves, which often refer to eachother directly ("...with 44 across..." etc.). Most crosswords have the theme presented above the puzzle in the form of a title (Ex: "Out On A Limb"), which can range anywhere from humorously vague to inocuously specific in relation to the theme-oriented answers. Oftentimes, one of these answers will act as the keystone subject that the others are describing. Occasionally, the solutions will involve some kind of play on words, incorporate other wordgames such as annagrams, or are an extended pun. Sometimes the answers will comprise a famous quote or saying that's been divided into parts. These answer themes run the gamut and are usually a reflection of the puzzle designer's personal style. More often than naught, the solver will hit the wall despite good strategy and will be left with no other alternative but to use a resource to obtain the answer. One possible resource is any one of a number of crossword puzzle dictionaries that are available, which are specifically compiled to help the solver find obscure words and synonymns, as well as conquer other grammatical challenges. These books also list many of the common "stock" answer words that were previously described. Another resource is the internet, where a cornucopia of search engines can be employed to find solutions relating to unfamiliar current events, authors, world figures, etc. Crossword puzzles are most often found in national and local newspapers, as well as in other regional periodicals. There are also reams of crossword puzzle books available from a myriad of publishers in varying degrees of difficulty. The New York Times' weekend crossword puzzle has the reputation of being the 'Holy Grail' of crosswords, due to its astounding difficulty. This puzzle is about as obscure and complicated as it gets, embodying the supreme test of mettle for any crossword afficionado. One should be sure to use a pencil for solving crossword puzzles, or, if using a pen, one's letters should take up only half of any block to ensure that the space above can still be used for corrections if necessary. It is also advisable to take the path of least resistance and fill the easy answers in first, as this can sometimes aid the solver in deriving the intersecting answers to other, often more difficult clues. The crossword puzzle is quite possibly one of mankind's only bids to engender ominiscience in those who participate. Besides Trivial Pursuit, one is hard-pressed to find another game that has the potential to expand the mind and make onesself more well-rounded and better informed on current and historic events and people. The game fosters continued mind expansion, and it encourages the solver to be focused on context and subtext simultaneously, which has multiple applications. It is perhaps one of the most ingenious educational tools ever invented, and an infinitely enjoyable pasttime for both the cafe beginner and Sunday veteran. 1/19/04 Slowly drifting into Aquarius...or Capricorn/Aquarius, the Cusp of Mystery and Imagination, for all you Personology acolytes. Slowly drifting into madness as well. For some reason, they've really ratcheted things up over at the airport. They seem to be sending more of the biggest, loudest planes right over my apartment, starting at 6:30 in the AM. Now this would be dandy if I got up at a normal time to work a stupid dayjob like everyone else, but it's just not working out with my creative night owl hours. At least I think I've finally kicked whatever it was I've had for two weeks now...I think it was a flu. Taking my last antibiotic pill today. Of course, my allergies are kicking in seamlessly(!), so that I know there is to be no relief from my suffering. Time to dust. Whine and complain...I'm so good at it. :) Below you'll find the first of hopefully many of my writings in the form of 'Treatises' on various subjects...as usual, I'm planning on running the gamut with these, from the intrinsically inane and possibly humorous(!) to the more pertinent of possible subjects. I can only hope they're at all interesting and/or enjoyable. Ever Yours, Simeon
Treatise on Beard Growing A well-grown beard is a wonderful thing indeed. For many men (and some women!), it can hide a loose chin, compensate for baldness, give shape and color to an otherwise shapeless and colorless face, alleviate the teasing and disrespect associated with having a "baby face,"or simply relieve the irritation of a regular shaving regimen. A good beard, grown with proper consideration to shape, thickness and grain, can be a boon for the wearer, as well as the wearer's significant other (ladies, would you rather kiss a scratchy, stubbly face or a face that's down-soft with an unobtrusive growth?). The first step is to develop a non-vain fascination with facial hair in the form of a hobby. Thickness, grain and texture must be continuously reassessed and obsessively experimented with if optimal results are to be achieved. Thickness is the crucial issue with most males; it is usually true that the younger one is, the less facial hair one has, so that good results often take years to achieve. If your beard is thin, underdeveloped and patchy, you should probably maintain a regular shaving regimen--with occasional experiments to assess progress--until such a time as your beard thickens to an even, abundant consistency. If your beard never thickens, please disregard this and maintain a regular shaving regimen. Your early experiments should adhere to the following parameters: one; less is more. Limit your beard in design so that it features only the strong areas of growth and minimizes thin, underdeveloped areas. One cannot be too modest in this regard. There is nothing more grotesque than an underdeveloped beard grown and groomed (or UN-groomed as the case may be) in an unflattering manner to the wearer (exhibit A: Brad Pitt). Two; one should refrain from growing an unchaperoned moustache! ALWAYS have at least a goatee or some other facial hair accompanying a moustache, unless you're one of the lucky few who looks admirable with one (although in this writer's editorial opinion, "lucky" may very well be an oxymoron). There is nothing worse than a face containing only an anemic, thin, gimpy, pubescent moustache (exhibit B: Dennis Franz). At the very least, be sure that your moustache is thick and full before deigning to grow one by itself. As stubble thickens and expands across the frontier areas of an aging man's face, more stylistic possibilities become available. Again, the emphasis should be put on strong areas, which are most often the chin, moustache, sideburns and jawline (the hair in weak areas will thicken the more you shave it). A goatee joined to sideburns that have been extended down and across the jawline to the chin with a consistent width can bring out and flatter the shape of a face by providing a solid outline. What's more, it can alleviate a fat face and/or a sagging chin by drawing attention to the jawline, defining and emphasizing the facial structure, and slightly concealing the chin area (exhibit C: George Lucas). Any beard, even a full beard, that is shaved below the jawline can also make a long face look less so. Again, the key issue is thickness. The cheek areas of one's beard are usually the thinnest and generally last to grow in. To reconcile this discrepancy with the rest of your beard, grow these thinner areas two or three sizes longer than the stronger areas of your beard (example: trim "soul patch" to 4, lip and chin at 5, and rest of face to 8 or 9). It is usually recommended that you keep your neck shaved to the skin below the jawline, as any stubble there tends to irritate the tender skin of the neck, causing it to itch, and any substantial growth there tends to distort the shape of the face in an unadvisable way. As time passes, your experiments will definitely take on a more adventurous tone (exhibit D: A. J. McClean). The thicker the growth, the more possibilities available, though keep in mind you'll also need to maintain your stubble at a shorter length. Maintenance on any highly stylized beard is time-consuming, relative to the amount of detail work involved. The more areas of your face you shave, and the more edges you have to sculpt and maintain, the higher your maintenance time. The grooming of a beard is crucial. Any beard, no matter how burly or lengthy, is aesthetically much more pleasing when it is groomed neatly and properly. A thick, scraggly beard that has become its own entity strips attention away from the face with its jagged lines and is extremely unsightly, not to mention potentially unhygenic. Several items are required for effective beard grooming: one; a quality beard trimmer with adjustable length extension. Reamington and Norelco usually have exceptional beard trimmers on the market, but check with your local retailer to see what's available, as forward strides are always being made in available technology. Two; depending on the cut and shape of your beard, you will need a traditional blade razor for close-crop grooming of defined edges. Any two or three-blade razor by Schick is ideal, as the blades are set very close to the edges of the cartridge, thereby increasing accuracy and dependability. Gillette's razors are not ideal for detail work, as the cartridge edges are wider, but are sufficient for exclusive shaving below the jaw line. Everyone is different, and let's face it; some of us will never look good with facial hair! But for those who do, a beard can be a wonderful cosmetic and artistic tool, a vehicle for personal expression and self-knowledge, and a source of masculine self-fulfilment for every man who longs to look more mature. So do your face a favor every once in a while and let the stubble grow. Your face will thank you for it, if not your girlfriend or boyfriend(?!), and the world will see you as you want to see yourself--as a man.
|